It was 8:15 on Monday morning...I was on my 2nd cup of decaf and my 3rd page of Copier Weekly when my pager went off. I knew it was important...I'm on everyone’s speed dial...when they call 911 they get a recording saying "if this is a true emergency please hang up and dial the "Man" and not just any man...I'm the CopyMan! You've heard of Superman...Spiderman...fictional characters...I'm the real thing!
The call came from a very familiar nemesis...high-up from the 2nd floor office downtown. This copier has acted up in the past...eating critical documents...burning...jamming...screeching...it was a good copier...gone bad!
As I walked in I could see relief in some faces...but as with many superheroes there was animosity, too! I heard one say "we should get you an office here"...and another say "we should put you on our payroll"...they laughed like it was the first time I had ever heard this...I thought to myself... my pet iguana wouldn't want to work here and I AM on your payroll...and I'm not cheap! Instead I just smiled and said "please step back...this could get dangerous"...they ran back to their little cubicles and acted busy.
This copier was a pro! It was hiding jams in places rarely seen...it threw an error code to try and throw me off the path...a loose connection in the doc feeder and bald feed rollers in the cassette! I pulled out my electric screw driver and pliers and went to work! After 30 minutes the copier surrendered and I was victorious! While I was cleaning up I noticed voices around me. It is an interesting phenomenon that in the "super suit" my company provides me with...I actually become invisible. I here talk of boyfriends, girlfriends, pets, bosses and something’s I cannot share.
I would include photos but being a super hero requires some anonymity. If my true identity got out I would not be able to grocery shop on the weekends without being overwhelmed with requests for assistance. Just last week at the YMCA (true story) I was in the sauna and somebody asked me what I do. I told him I'm a copy repairman...he said that he added too much water to theirs at work and made a huge mess...also it is so hard to get the flavor just right! He asked me if I have ever had that problem. I then realized he thought I said coffee repairman...I told him that a lot of people have that problem...then promptly left the sauna.
I also realize that I'm not the only super hero...the butcher at my grocery store stands between me and the cows and pigs with a butcher knife! My garbage man risks his life each day taking loads to a toxic waste site! Kevin at the YMCA, who mops the locker rooms each day, is a true super hero!
So yes...I'm just doing what I can...saving the world one copier at a time.
COPYMAN
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